I feel increasingly disconnected from the world around me. Even the handful of people I interact with on a regular basis seem like far-off shadows, vague mirages assuming familiar shapes. I often wonder how much of this is real. The idea of suicide appeals to me but I still haven’t got the strength to pull the trigger. Everything seems so awful now. I shudder at the thought of the future and what new terrors are lurking ahead.
One such terror of our modern age is the prevalence and power of social media. Facebook, Instagram and Twitter have all made a mockery of friendship, love, and interpersonal interactions in general. I tried to unplug from social media, but it was no easy task. In spite of the urge to connect and to know what’s going on, I was able to delete my various accounts some time back. I had an idea that they were contributing to my overall misery, but even in their absence I found myself feeling isolated and morose, and was eventually reeled back in. The world has changed. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, then what of the opposite? Can constant connection to one another drive us apart and cause us to take one another for granted? I believe this to be so. Sadly, beyond a cataclysm of global proportions, I don’t think there is any turning back now.
It’s getting harder to wear my human face and go into work, or even deal with close friends and family. I feel compelled to do terrible things, most especially I’m drawn toward the idea of suicide. Everything hurts. I doubt I’ll ever be happy again, and I’m not sure I ever really was. For now, I just want to sleep…
Towers of Rust 