The walls of my mind are crumbling slowly from within and without. I'm here in the middle, peering out between the cracks into an infinite smoky abyss, thick with methamphetamine vapor and temptation. The cosmic horrors beyond these paltry fortifications are mounting daily, and the din of their chaos echoes throughout my heart, heavy with … Continue reading Amphetamine Psychosis | Peering Through Gaps in a Crumbling Wall of Sanity
Category: Blog Posts
Suicide Propaganda || A Headfull of Noise
Today I am sick. Yesterday I was also sick; I will be sick tomorrow as well. My ailment has disfigured my mind and warped my perception. We do not exist on the same plane. This frail, scar-striped vessel which contains my consciousness is breaking down as I fade deeper into inner space. My muscles are … Continue reading Suicide Propaganda || A Headfull of Noise
Echoes of a Dark Past | The Wake of a Week-Long Meth Binge
Some time ago, I spent a week smoking copious amounts of meth and staying up all night masturbating furiously to all manner of smut shut away alone in a dark room. In the wake of all this cum-soaked lunacy and sleep deprivation, my dopamine levels plummeted and I sank into a terrible state of existential … Continue reading Echoes of a Dark Past | The Wake of a Week-Long Meth Binge
Within These Ruined Walls || A Saga of Filth and Desperation
The silence of my ruined home is appalling. I can almost hear the termites gnawing at the rafters, devouring this house from inside-out as I sit here in my office alone. The mold is gone, as is the unnatural smell of the chemicals the contractors used to kill it. All that's left are a few … Continue reading Within These Ruined Walls || A Saga of Filth and Desperation
1.17.2023 || A New Age of Suffering
I don’t feel like writing today. This is another one of those forced efforts, like taking a shit and pushing so hard you feel the blood vessels in your head start to swell with pressure. Everything I do is awful and I hate myself. Regardless, this year is already off to a fairly positive start. … Continue reading 1.17.2023 || A New Age of Suffering
Stains
I'm sitting here listing to Atropine by Velvet Cacoon. It's nighttime. I am alone in a house that does not belong to me. The drone of Atropine is mesmerizing, I can feel my heart rate dropping as my nerves grow calm. This meditative semi-serenity is ephemeral. Doubt is creeping in. It's been a long day … Continue reading Stains
Hurricane Ian | The Ravages of a Horrible Deluge
By the time I finished my previous post, I had drunk half of a Four Loko Gold and smoked a modest amount of weed, and soon after dived promptly into bed. Sometime early in the morning, I awoke and realized my house was without power. This was expected, so I rolled over and fell back … Continue reading Hurricane Ian | The Ravages of a Horrible Deluge
9.28.2022 |Enshrouded in Vexing Darkness
The rain falls in undulating sheets, pouring off rooftops and slicing through the gale almost sideways as the boughs of trees bend and rattle in the storm-winds. The power is flickering off and on, and I’ll be sitting here in my cluttered little home office listening to tapes for as long as the electricity remains … Continue reading 9.28.2022 |Enshrouded in Vexing Darkness
Grit and Grime | Scum Runs Through the Veins of This City
Destitute, shambling and hopeless, this town is collapsing, falling into itself and aspirating in the vomit of too many washed-out barflies and bygone bike weeks. The worst part is that it's taking us all with it in its final death rattle. Or is that the best part? Maybe we deserve to be scrubbed clean and … Continue reading Grit and Grime | Scum Runs Through the Veins of This City
9/22/2022 | Disaffected, Broken, and Alone
I feel increasingly disconnected from the world around me. Even the handful of people I interact with on a regular basis seem like far-off shadows, vague mirages assuming familiar shapes. I often wonder how much of this is real. The idea of suicide appeals to me but I still haven't got the strength to pull … Continue reading 9/22/2022 | Disaffected, Broken, and Alone
Towers of Rust 